I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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