I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
how does that bad decision feel?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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