who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
