I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
