It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
