man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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