I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
