giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
