and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Im part way to drunk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
