We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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