There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
