Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
