So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We're too hungover to prance.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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