Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
