someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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