Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
