Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
