Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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