i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
