I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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