Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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