I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
ok first of all what the fuck
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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