A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
