I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
