I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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