I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
