He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
