Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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