she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
