If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize