I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize