We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
