Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
