I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
