mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
soo... how was my night?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
