Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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