i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
