I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
