if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
