I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
