Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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