STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize