Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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