i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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