Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
