I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
