I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
