Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
