Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
