I love black thongs
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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