That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
