How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
