Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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