I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
