new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
