Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
