i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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