I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
