Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
