i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
