I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
