I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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