I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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