Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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