Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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